I’ve fought my way through the hard days and the sadness, picked up the pieces of a broken heart more times than I can count.

I always asked why should I keep trying?

Life was never easy and love always failed me, so what was the point?

I had all the questions but didn’t know any answers. Behind my smile, the world never saw the tears I cried quietly to myself. In the shower, in the car.. wherever the sadness seized me. I always snapped out of the angst and slapped on a happy face. Truth was, I was dying inside and just needed a little bit of hope. I thought I needed someone else to give me what I needed all along- love, hope, anything so that I could be fixed.

Because surely I was broken inside, and no one else was like me, not to mention no one would surely love me, as messed up as I was.

Loneliness has a way of holding onto your heart until you find a light, a way out. Sometimes, the beacon of hope isn’t what you expect at all. 

As the little boy in front of me in line at the store dropped his candy on the floor, I picked it up and gave it back to him, smiling.

He grinned sheepishly and giggled.

“You’re pretty.. and I can see the pretty light behind your eyes, too. Can you see it?”

Stunned, I found myself beaming and smiling back.

“Yes, little boy, I think I might be able to... now. Thank you.”

Nothing happens by chance, ever. That was the day my life began to change.

I stopped asking “why me” and started asking “why not me?” I began to believe in myself and for the first time, I found the answers in the most unlikely place...

Myself.

My heart had always known the way, I had just forgotten how to get there. I regained my lost strength, threw my sadness into my past and dropped the baggage. I’ll never be perfect, but I’m good with that. I’m real, authentic and I’m kind... with a hint of passion and ferocity mixed in.

I discovered a way to be brave through the dark days and happy through the hard nights. It wasn’t easy and may never be, but I’ll be okay. I found my answers within. I know it’s always darkest before dawn. I discovered how to fall in love with being alive and cherished all the small things I always took for granted. I don’t need to be saved, fixed or loved to be happy.

And in the most unexpected way in the most unexpected place, In that little boy’s smile, I found the beginning of the most perfect love of all:

Myself.

There’s no one better to love me than me.

New chapter, new heart.

This is my happily ever after...

My way.